I can understand why Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four
decided to call himself “Mr. Fantastic.” It sounds a lot cooler than “Big Long
Stretchy Guy.”
Thursday, October 23, 2025
Wednesday, October 22, 2025
Thought of the Day
I don’t know about you. But if I was a magician’s
assistant, and he was going to saw me in half, I’d want to see some credentials
first.
Friday, October 17, 2025
Thought of the Day
My mother gave me a lot
of good advice growing up. She told me to eat all my vegetables and always look
both ways before I cross the street. But then, she also told me to bow down and
worship Shirpa from the Planet Zarcon.
Thursday, October 16, 2025
Tuesday, October 14, 2025
Thought of the Day
My friend Karl tried to take a cheap
flight to Bermuda once. But it didn’t turn out like he’d planned. I guess he
should’ve known better when the mailman spotted his leg sticking out of the
envelope.
Friday, October 10, 2025
Thought of the Day
I can still remember the
day I took my dog in to get fixed. When I got him back in the car, the first
thing he said to me was: “I’m going to get you for this.”
Wednesday, October 8, 2025
Thought of the Day
When Captain Kirk
finished his five-year mission on Star Trek, I often wonder if he spent the
next five years sending child support payments to all the aliens he’d been
screwing across the galaxy.
Monday, October 6, 2025
Thought of the Day
I just read that a woman
in Battle Creek, Michigan gave birth to twins recently and had the
temerity to name them both "Cher." I guess the girls will
have to learn how to Cher and Cher alike.
Friday, October 3, 2025
Thursday, October 2, 2025
Thought of the Day
When I was a kid, I had a
huge crush on Pattie Romano in the third grade. As I recall, Pattie had these long
hairy arms and always brought a banana for lunch. I guess you could say she was
the gorilla my dreams.
Wednesday, October 1, 2025
Thought of the Day
Here’s a helpful tip… If
your name is Luke Skywalker, and you’ve just discovered that Darth Vader is
really your father, you might want to book another session with your analyst.
Monday, September 29, 2025
Thought of the Day
Cracker Jack is trying a
little too hard to try and attract an older audience. The other day, I bought a
box and the prize inside was a pack of Depends.
Friday, September 26, 2025
Thought of the Day
I think exercise would be
much better for you if you didn’t have to do it in the first place.
Thursday, September 25, 2025
Thought of the Day
You can tell that
Spiderman must be getting ready to retire. The other day, I was watching the
latest Spiderman movie, and his spider sense told him it was time to take a
nap.
Wednesday, September 24, 2025
Thought of the Day
I think if AC/DC’s
Angus Young had known he was going to end up wearing a little schoolboy’s
outfit for over 50 years, he would’ve picked out something that was a little
less “snuggy.”
Monday, September 22, 2025
Thought of the Day
I asked my grandmother once what she wanted for her
birthday. She said she only wanted world peace. I was going to buy it for her
but it would've taken forever to wrap.
Friday, September 19, 2025
Thought of the Day
I don’t know who the guy
was that invented instant coffee. But I often wonder if it involved using a
stopwatch.
Wednesday, September 17, 2025
Thought of the Day
My friend Karl was a
crossing guard once. But it didn’t last very long. Karl got fired for trying to
pawn his Stop sign.
Monday, September 15, 2025
Thought of the Day
I think the only reason that cows have four stomachs is in
case one is closed for renovations.
Friday, September 12, 2025
Thought of the Day
If they can send a man to the moon then how come it
couldn’t have been Ryan Seacrest?
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