I don’t know if it’s just me – but I think the guy who
invented the clock radio should learn how to make up his mind.
Wednesday, November 20, 2024
Monday, November 18, 2024
Thought of the Day
I
was reading that a homeless man in Casper, Wyoming just got caught trying to
rob a bank. I guess he should’ve known better... The guy didn’t have a getaway
car so he got caught waiting for the bus.
Friday, November 15, 2024
Thought of the Day
They say that dogs have got it made. Free food. Roof over
their heads. But if you ask me, it can’t be easy going around sniffing everybody’s
ass.
Wednesday, November 13, 2024
Thought of the Day
I went to a fortune teller once and asked her what she
could see in her crystal ball. “Nothing,” she said. “My ball’s in the shop.”
Tuesday, November 12, 2024
Friday, November 8, 2024
Thought of the Day
My friend Karl had a
really close call last summer. He was out camping in B.C. when he found himself
face-to-face with a giant grizzly bear. So Karl did the only thing he could do.
He told the bear that his girlfriend tasted like salmon.
Thursday, November 7, 2024
Thought of the Day
I was shopping in Canadian Tire the other day when I
noticed a guy walking around in camouflage pants. I walked up to him and said,
“Dude, your pants aren’t working.”
Tuesday, November 5, 2024
Thought of the Day
I was reading that the Great Wall of China is over 13,000
miles long, which makes perfect sense. If it was only thirteen miles long, it’d
be the Not So Great Wall of China.
Monday, November 4, 2024
Thought of the Day
I’m not the most religious guy in the world. But every
time I eat at Taco Bell, I pray I don’t get the runs.
Friday, November 1, 2024
Thought of the Day
Some people wear nicotine
patches to get over their addiction to cigarettes. My friend Karl started
wearing a pumpkin patch. Apparently he’s got a serious addiction to pie.
Thursday, October 31, 2024
Thought of the Day
I often wonder why they call it the World Series when none of the other planets have been invited.
Wednesday, October 30, 2024
Thought of the Day
I had a really big night at the bowling alley last week. I
ended up bowling eight strikes in a row! Unfortunately, four of them were over in
the next lane.
Friday, October 25, 2024
Thought of the Day
I don’t understand why Barbie hasn’t dropped Ken in a
heartbeat. It’s not like the guy’s anatomically correct or anything.
Wednesday, October 23, 2024
Monday, October 21, 2024
Thought of the Day
I think the only reason King Arthur’s knights gathered at a
round table was because Zoom hadn’t been invented yet.
Friday, October 18, 2024
Thought of the Day
My cousin Egbert has
always been a bad procrastinator. He was playing hide and seek once, and didn’t
run and hide until he was 37.
Thursday, October 17, 2024
Thought of the Day
My
friend Karl started a new prescription the other day. I guess his doctor told
him not to operate heavy machinery while he’s taking it. I can’t say Karl’s
feeling any better yet. But he is saving a lot of money without his appliances.
Wednesday, October 16, 2024
Thought of the Day
If you ask me, the only reason the escalator was invented
is because some guy was a helluva lazy bastard.
Tuesday, October 15, 2024
Thought of the Day
I often wonder how
many marching bands have had to turn down new members because they don’t have
legs.
Friday, October 11, 2024
Thought of the Day
I never had a visit from
the Tooth Fairy when I was growing up. So I’d always check the paper to see if
any strange women were arrested for trying to break into children’s bedrooms.
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