Gone Fishin'

Thought of the Day

I don’t know why historians always talk about “Custer’s Last Stand.” I’d much rather hear about Custer’s Second To Last Stand.

Thought of the Day

I’ve been feeling so bitter lately, I think I’m going to put my inner child up for adoption.

Thought of the Day

I wonder if Iron Man ever thought about suing The Man of Steel for copyright infringement.

Thought of the Day

I think this whole politically correct thing is getting out of hand. I just read that Disney is working on an updated version of “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves” now. It’s called “Snow White and the Seven Men of A Certain Height.”

Thought of the Day

I stopped at a bakery last week, and the sign said, “We make the best apple pies in the world.” So I bought one. But when I got it home, the pie was all gummy and undercooked. I took it back to the owner. “This thing is terrible!” I said. “I thought you make the best pies in the world.” The man just shrugged. “I was talking about the planet Neptune,” he said.

Thought of the Day

If Olive Oyl had a wardrobe malfunction, how would you know?

Thought of the Day

I don’t know if sand traps are really necessary on a golf course. But they sure catch a lot of sand.

Thought of the Day

 My friend Karl got a Lamborghini the other day. Fortunately, it isn’t contagious.

Thought of the Day

When I was a kid, my parents tried to save money once by hiring a blind clown named “Chuckles” to entertain at my birthday party. It sounded like a good idea at first. But the only balloon animal Chuckles could do was a snake.