Thought of the Day

I don’t care if ants show up when I’m having a picnic as long as they bring the Lowenbrau.

Thought of the Day

Here’s a helpful tip… If you’re over 45, and your job involves getting dressed up as a cartoon animal at a football game, you might want to slap your high school guidance counselor.

Thought of the Day

I don’t see why anyone in their right mind would want to take part in the running of the bulls in Spain, and risk getting gored to death. Now, if they changed it to the running of the cocker spaniels, my bags are packed!

Thought of the Day

I was reading that you can’t say the word “fat” any more because it’s no longer politically correct. Actually, what you’re supposed to say is “the word formally known as fat.”

Thought of the Day

If you ask me, the NBA could save an awful lot on electricity if they stopped using so many power forwards.

Four Things You Should Never Do, According To Jim Croce

Tug on Superman’s cape
Spit into the wind
Pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger
Hit a tree following takeoff