I went and enrolled my dog in a new obedience course. And
it’s really going well! In just two weeks, he’s learned how to sit up, roll
over, and stay married to Jennifer Lopez.
Monday, September 16, 2024
Friday, September 13, 2024
Thought of the Day
I don’t think Robin Hood was the smartest guy in Sherwood
Forest. He’d always rob from the rich and give to the poor. But if he robbed
from the rich – then they’d be poor – and he’d just have to bring everything
back again.
Thursday, September 12, 2024
Thought of the Day
Fishing
can be a really dangerous sport. I’ll give you a good example… I caught a fish
the other day and he told me to take the hook out of his mouth or he was going
to kick my ass.
Wednesday, September 11, 2024
Thought of the Day
I think the worst job in the world has got to be those
goaltenders that play exhibition hockey against Russian President Vladimir Putin. Think of it – you’ve
only got two options. Let Putin score eight goals. Or never see your wife and
kids again.
Tuesday, September 10, 2024
Thought of the Day
I
had a really bad cough once when I was a kid, and my parents told me to take
some cough medicine. I tried it for a while – but my cough didn’t go away. So I
sued them both for malpractice.
Monday, September 9, 2024
Thought of the Day
I don’t know if it’s just me. But I don’t think you should
be allowed to wear work gloves if you’re on unemployment.
Wednesday, September 4, 2024
Thought of the Day
I went over to my grandpa’s house the other day and he
made us a big pitcher of lemonade. “Now,” he said, “what this really needs is
some ice cubes.” I said, “Technically, those aren’t cubes. They’re trapezoids.” My grandpa just stared at me. He said, “You’re out of the will. And so is your dog.”
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