Thought of the Day

If they can send a man to the moon then how come it couldn’t have been Ryan Seacrest?

Thought of the Day

I’m not sure when they first invented the saddle. But I am sure that when they first tried putting it on a horse, the horse said, “You know I bruise like a grape.”

Thought of the Day

I don’t think I could handle being Aquaman. Not that I have an aversion to water or anything. I just think it’d be a pain having to take all those fish hooks out of your mouth.

Thought of the Day

When I was a kid, my parents took us up north one time to stay at a cottage. I wouldn’t say we were out in the middle of nowhere. But the nearest store was run by a pair of coyotes.

Thought of the Day

I wonder if girls ever get ticked off that they have to wear cowboy boots.

Thought of the Day

We haven’t seen our cousin Louie since we were little kids – but I guess there’s a good reason why. Cousin Louie got arrested once for trying to hijack Ethel Merman and fly her to Cuba.

Thought of the Day

If I ever decide to run away and join the Foreign Legion, do me a favour and talk me out of it.