The Scarecrow Report: December 2025

This Just In

Hockey legend and multi-million dollar tycoon Wayne Gretzky has just had his Canadian citizenship revoked by the federal government. The NHL Hall of Famer, who’s been living in the U.S. since 1988, was recently given a renewal test – under a rare clause in the Canadian Citizenship Act – to prove he’s still Canadian. Sadly, Gretzky had a hard time finding Red Deer on a map, and couldn't name a single cast member of CBC’s The Beachcombers. His hockey stick was promptly confiscated. When reached for comment at his Palm Beach estate, The Great One apparently said, "Get off my lawn!" and then went back to counting his Maseratis.

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Monday, December 1, 2025

Thought of the Day