Thought of the Day

When two grains of sand get mad at one another, I wonder if they call each other a son of a beach.

Thought of the Day

My friend Karl felt bad the other day that he’d left his dog Abner out in the car while he went shopping. Not that it was too cold out or anything. Just that it took three hours for the cops to catch Abner on the highway.

Thought of the Day

Here’s a helpful tip… If your name’s Christopher Columbus, and you’ve just discovered America, don’t forget to take a selfie.

Today's Pop Quiz

 

                This is a picture of:

                        a) a family enjoying a St. Patrick's Day get together

                        b) a group of actors working on improv

                        c) an average day at Charlie Sheen's house

Thought of the Day

What’s the next big thing? That’d be me after I eat an entire tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

Thought of the Day

A lot of collectors buy things, thinking they’ll be worth a lot of money some day. I’ve got one myself. It’s a very rare photo of Mr. Freeze turning up his thermostat.

Thought of the Day

I think the only reason directors keep giving roles to Liam Neeson is they’re afraid he’s going to kick their ass.

Thought of the Day

I really need to clean out my refrigerator more often. The other day, I cleaned it out and had to donate all my radishes to science.

Thought of the Day

I tried to play the trombone once – but I had to give it up. The geese kept showing up at my door with a bouquet of flowers.

Thought of the Day

Back in my college days, I was going out with a girl who worked at Sunkist. Man – I could tell you some juicy stories.