Thought of the Day

My friend Karl was finally banned from Walmart. And I guess I’m not surprised. He bought a bottle of pure spring water there recently and tried to return it. When they asked him why, he said: “This tastes like fall.”

Thought of the Day

If the early bird always catches the worm then I’m not setting my alarm clock.

Thought of the Day

I don’t think it’s right to call it “canned” salmon at the supermarket. I’m sure the salmon feel bad enough as it is.

A Very Scarecrow Announcement

We hate to disappoint our one reader in Paraguay. But we thought it best to let them know we’ve just returned from the Winter Olympics in Italy, where we were participating in the Canadian Snow Angel Team.

Alas, our dream of winning the gold has finally gone – kaput. We got beat by Mozambique – which is sad really because the closest they’ve come to a snowflake is the Slurpee machine at 7-Eleven.

Ah, well. There’s always 2030.

Thought of the Day

I’m never going to try speed reading again. I tried to read War and Peace with it once but I ran into a speed trap on page four.

Thought of the Day

When I was growing up, we didn’t have a milkman. We had a chocolate milkman. He was just like a regular milkman except he was much sweeter.

Thought of the Day

When hunting season starts, I often wonder how many people go off into the forest to look for their remote.