scene: Captain Caribou is looking at a TV set in the living
room of his mother’s home. Blue Nose is sitting in a rocking chair across from
him. He’s a supervillain with a giant nose. He’s wearing an immense shawl over
his head.
captain:
See, Ma? All you needed was a new battery for the remote.
blue nose: (Very
nasally, trying to sound like an old Jewish mother) Yes, I see. Thanks for
fixing my set, son.
captain:
You know Ma…you’re sounding awfully congested.
blue nose: It’s
hay fever season. What can you do?
captain:
Yeah, guess you’re right.
blue nose: So.
What’ve you been up to? You never call. You never write…
captain:
Sorry Ma. Been busy saving the world and all.
blue nose: Ah,
that’s nice. It could use a little saving, couldn’t it? Salmon..?
captain:
Yes, he’s helping too.
blue nose: No,
no. Not “Snowman”—salmon.
Like the fish. You haven’t even touched my sandwiches!
captain:
Ma, c’mon. I’m a caribou… Caribous don’t eat salmon.
blue nose: Oh.
Uh. I mean—yes,
of course you are! Here... Have some cocoa, son.
captain:
Ma, please. It’s eighty degrees out there!
blue nose: So,
what? Now I don’t know what’s good enough for you? And all the times I’ve
slaved over a hot stove for–
captain:
All right, all right… (Blue Nose pours him a cup and he begins drinking.)
Mmm…pretty strong, Ma. What’s in this?
blue nose: Oh,
you know. Cocoa, little milk. Just like I made when you were a little reindeer.
captain:
(shaky) Suddenly…I feel so strange…I…
blue nose: You
must be tired after all the super-dupering. Have a little lie dee down
now…Captain. (Captain Caribou drops his cup and it shatters. He collapses
over the coffee table.)
(Dramatic music. Fade out.)
