scene: A used record shop. The three of
them enter and a string of bells rattle against the door. The place is empty
except for a teenage slacker type manning the cash. A Guess Who album is
playing in the background.
snowman: Well, this must be the place. I can
tell from the incense.
record guy: Hey. What’re you guys supposed to be?
captain: We
are…
all heroes: (fanfare) The Group of
Seven!
record guy: (pause) You’re joking, right?
captain: Never
mind us, friend. We’re here on top-secret official business! Snowman, Hat
Trick…go check the bargain bin.
snowman & hat
trick: Gotcha. (They
leave.)
record guy: What’re you guys looking for? I fix you
up with some Chilliwack or something?
captain:
Actually…we’re in the market for a little Bryan Adams.
record guy: You know. He’s signing records here
next week.
captain: You
got any protection for him?
record guy: What? Trojans?
captain: The
man’s being targeted by an insidious group of criminal masterminds... I’m talking—helicopters! Police escorts!
Bomb-sniffing dogs!
record guy: Uh, Steve’s gonna be handing out
flyers.
hat trick: (over
at bins) Hey Cap—take
a look at this.
captain: (looks)
What’ve you got?
hat trick:
Somebody’s hardcore about Bryan all right… All his albums are gone.
snowman: And look…Sgt. Pepper’s! Buck
ninety-nine!
hat trick:
That one’s mine…
snowman: (raising voice) Hey? You got any
Coldplay? (A phone rings.)
captain: (takes
out his cellphone) Excuse me, guys... (into phone) Hello? Yeah, Ma,
I… What? You need what? Yeah…all right. Be right over...
hat trick:
What’s up?
captain: Ma’s
TV’s on the blink. I’ve got to go straighten it out before Jeopardy! comes on.
hat trick:
What about Bryan?
captain:
Bryan’ll have to wait. I get Ma angry and I’d rather take on a truckload of
wolverines. Why don’t you guys hit the mall for a little while? Go pick up my
dry cleaning…
snowman: Great! I could really go for an Orange
Julius. (They head over to the cash.)
record guy: (looks at album) That’ll be two
bucks…
hat trick: Ah,
yes... Voilà! (He makes a white rabbit appear out
of his hat.) Here… Have a bunny. (He gives the Record Guy the rabbit.)
captain:
Here’s our card, friend. You see anything suspicious—you give us a call. (They leave. The
door closes with the rustle of bells.)
record guy: Hey, wait! There was an old lady here
this morning…who was…trying to… (He starts petting rabbit.) Nice bunny…
(Dramatic
music. Fade out.)
