People
always say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I can’t say I felt the same way
when they took out my appendix.
Tuesday, December 5, 2023
Monday, December 4, 2023
Thought of the Day
I’m sure you’ve all heard of the comedy magic duo Penn
& Teller. And I’m sure you know Teller never says a word on stage. But
here’s something you probably didn’t know. Teller can’t speak because he got
his balls shot off in Korea.
Thursday, November 30, 2023
Friday, November 24, 2023
Thought of the Day
You can tell man o’ wars must get lonely. You never see
any woman o’ wars around.
Thursday, November 23, 2023
Wednesday, November 22, 2023
Thought of the Day
I bought a book the other day but I had to take it back.
The first three pages were blank.
Tuesday, November 21, 2023
Thought of the Day
Here’s a helpful tip… If you’re a supervillain, and
plotting to take over the world, don’t forget you’re also going to inherit
North Korea, global warming, and the entire cast of The Buddy Holly Story.
Trust me. You don’t want to mess with Gary Busey.
Monday, November 20, 2023
Thought of the Day
I know you can’t say the word “fat” any more. But does that mean
you can’t sit around a potbelly stove?
Friday, November 17, 2023
Thought of the Day
I just bought a communication enhancement app the other
day. You might’ve heard of it. It’s called a pencil.
Thursday, November 16, 2023
Thought of the Day
My great-uncle Lucius was
an incredible miner when he was growing up. It’s just too bad he never used
that talent to become a rich man. You can only do so much with booger nuggets.
Wednesday, November 15, 2023
Thought of the Day
Raining cats and dogs isn’t so bad. It’s the clean up
afterwards that’s a real bitch.
Tuesday, November 14, 2023
Thought of the Day
If you put out a bear trap, and catch a moose, you might
want to double check the instructions.
Monday, November 13, 2023
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Friday, November 10, 2023
Thought of the Day
I don’t understand why
Elton John always wears those big capes and flashy rhinestone outfits. My Uncle
Dave used to dress up like that and we finally had to put him away.
Thursday, November 9, 2023
Thought of the Day
If animals in the zoo could talk, I think the first thing they’d
say is: “I want to see my lawyer!”
Wednesday, November 8, 2023
Thought of the Day
We don’t see our Uncle
Harry much any more. But I guess that’s what happens when you get caught selling
pure grade heroin.
Tuesday, November 7, 2023
Thought of the Day
The
other day, I gave my parakeet a little bit of marijuana. It didn’t seem to
bother him at first. But now all he wants to do is listen to my Grateful Dead
records.
Monday, November 6, 2023
Thought of the Day
I don’t know if it’s just
me but I don’t know a single elephant who's a Republican.
Friday, October 27, 2023
Thought of the Day
I don’t know who
came up with the terms “soft ball” and “hard ball” but it certainly wasn’t
Einstein. Have you ever been hit by one? I think they should be called “hard
ball” and “even harder ball.”
Thursday, October 26, 2023
Thought of the Day
If there’s one thing I hate more than anything else in the
world, I would definitely tell you about it.
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