Thought of the Day

I wish more hockey referees were working on the police force. That way, even if they gave you a speeding ticket, the worst you could get is a game misconduct.

Thought of the Day

I wonder if Pat Sajak has ever been arrested for hanging around schoolyards and asking kids if they want to buy a vowel.

Thought of the Day

The other day, I went into a hardware store and the clerk kept calling me “my friend.” I said, “Are you really my friend?” “Of course,” he said. “Great!” I said, “Can you loan me twenty bucks?”

Thought of the Day

When I was in Grade Nine, we had a math teacher named Mr. Graziano who was an ex-con. To be honest, I don’t really know that for sure. But every time the fire alarm went off, Mr. Graziano would always run for his getaway car.

Thought of the Day

My friend Karl was arrested once for shoplifting. Luckily, he didn’t get any jail time. But it did take him a year to get over the hernia.

Thought of the Day

I think the only reason that Batman got Robin for a sidekick is he needed someone for the bad guys to shoot at first.

Thought of the Day

I wonder if clowns ever go to their mechanic and tell them their car is making a funny noise.

Thought of the Day

I was reading that Colonel Sanders never really cared about all the money he made in the fried chicken business. He just loved to sit around and boast about all the Japs he killed in Okinawa.

Thought of the Day

My Uncle Sid had a three-legged dog once named “Cashew.” My uncle called him Cashew because when he bought him, his friends all said he was nuts.

Thought of the Day

I wonder if snakes ever get pissed off that they don’t have any arms.

Thought of the Day

I think it’s okay to take magic mushrooms as long as you don’t try doing the saw a woman in half trick.

Thought of the Day

I wonder how many employees get fired at Kraft every month for making jokes about cutting the cheese.