Thought of the Day

I was reading that there’s currently a massive shortage of vanishing cream in Canada. Retailers across the country just can’t seem to keep the little jars in stock. And I can understand why. I guess millions of Canadians have been mailing them to the White House.

Thought of the Day

My finances aren’t what they used to be. I can tell because the other day I went to take some money out of my bank account, and the ATM said, “You gotta be kidding.”

Thought of the Day

I was just reading that Frank Beard, ZZ Top’s drummer for over 55 years, died the other day. The article didn’t provide a cause of death. But if I had to venture a guess, I’d say it was a strong desire to stop playing “Sharp Dressed Man.”

Thought of the Day

My friend Karl bought a German Shepherd once. Then weeks later he didn’t have it any more. I said, “Hey, Karl, what happened to your German Shepherd?” He said, “Ah – I got tired of cooking all that wiener schnitzel.”

Thought of the Day

If you ask me, I think they should’ve fired the guy who built the Washington Monument. It doesn’t look like George Washington at all!

Thought of the Day

I just picked up Chef Gordon Ramsay’s new album. He’s not much of a singer. But he does have a great song on there about Beef Wellington.