I often wonder why they call it the World Series when none of the other planets have been invited.
Thursday, October 31, 2024
Wednesday, October 30, 2024
Thought of the Day
I had a really big night at the bowling alley last week. I
ended up bowling eight strikes in a row! Unfortunately, four of them were over in
the next lane.
Friday, October 25, 2024
Thought of the Day
I don’t understand why Barbie hasn’t dropped Ken in a
heartbeat. It’s not like the guy’s anatomically correct or anything.
Wednesday, October 23, 2024
Monday, October 21, 2024
Thought of the Day
I think the only reason King Arthur’s knights gathered at a
round table was because Zoom hadn’t been invented yet.
Friday, October 18, 2024
Thought of the Day
My cousin Egbert has
always been a bad procrastinator. He was playing hide and seek once, and didn’t
run and hide until he was 37.
Thursday, October 17, 2024
Thought of the Day
My
friend Karl started a new prescription the other day. I guess his doctor told
him not to operate heavy machinery while he’s taking it. I can’t say Karl’s
feeling any better yet. But he is saving a lot of money without his appliances.
Wednesday, October 16, 2024
Thought of the Day
If you ask me, the only reason the escalator was invented
is because some guy was a helluva lazy bastard.
Tuesday, October 15, 2024
Thought of the Day
I often wonder how
many marching bands have had to turn down new members because they don’t have
legs.
Friday, October 11, 2024
Thought of the Day
I never had a visit from
the Tooth Fairy when I was growing up. So I’d always check the paper to see if
any strange women were arrested for trying to break into children’s bedrooms.
Thursday, October 10, 2024
Thought of the Day
I
think a hockey rink is the only place in the world where you can hit someone
over the head with a stick and not get lawyers involved.
Wednesday, October 9, 2024
Thought of the Day
I often wonder what Tarzan does when he’s out in the jungle and can’t find a decent peppermint latte.
Monday, October 7, 2024
Thought of the Day
I
know everybody and his brother has a golden retriever. But when I was growing
up, we had a bronze retriever. He was just like a golden retriever except he
always came in third place.
Friday, October 4, 2024
Thought of the Day
I went and bought myself one of those robot vacuum
cleaners that roll around and clean your floor. But I finally had to get rid of
the thing. It tried to get my appliances to go on strike.
Thursday, October 3, 2024
Wednesday, October 2, 2024
Thought of the Day
Here’s something you
probably didn’t know… I was reading that squirrels don’t hide their nuts so
they’ll have food stored away for the winter. They actually hide their nuts so
they won’t have to claim them on their income tax.
Tuesday, October 1, 2024
Thought of the Day
I don’t know why police officers insist on making impaired
drivers walk a straight line. I think if they really want to test their
cognitive skills, they should put them on Jeopardy.
Monday, September 30, 2024
Thought of the Day
If you ask me, there’s no
use throwing a boomerang in the garbage. It’s only going to come back again.
Friday, September 27, 2024
Thought of the Day
I had a terrible
shock the other day. I got home and discovered that my dog had killed my pet fish.
Apparently they’d got into a heated argument over who was man’s best friend.
Thursday, September 26, 2024
Thought of the Day
I was thinking
about taking a night course in basket weaving once. But then I thought – why
don’t I just buy a basket?
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