I don’t understand why they always teach soldiers how to
march. I think it’d be a much better idea if they taught them how to roll over
and play dead.
Monday, March 25, 2024
Friday, March 22, 2024
Thought of the Day
Here’s a helpful tip… If your name is Caitlyn Jenner, and
you’ve just had a massive sex change operation, don’t forget to remember which
washroom you have to go in.
Thursday, March 21, 2024
Thought of the Day
The other day, I woke up and discovered I was out of 2% milk.
All I had was condensed milk! But everything turned out all right. I was able
to eat my cereal in half the time.
Wednesday, March 20, 2024
Thought of the Day
I
bought an early model car at an estate sale the other day. I can tell it’s an
early model because every time I turn on the radio, all it plays is Gregorian
chants.
Tuesday, March 19, 2024
Thought of the Day
I often wonder if the guy who invented the after-dinner
mint only did it because the after-breakfast mint never caught on.
Monday, March 18, 2024
Thought of the Day
My cousin has never had a problem growing a
moustache…which is unfortunate because her name is Krystal.
Friday, March 15, 2024
Thursday, March 14, 2024
Thought of the Day
I don’t have any problem with getting a groundhog to
predict the weather. I just think the first guy to suggest the idea must’ve
been really high.
Wednesday, March 13, 2024
Thought of the Day
I tried to be a pimp once, when I was eight-years-old. But
it didn’t last very long. I could never get my mom to show a little leg.
Tuesday, March 12, 2024
Thought of the Day
If
Aquaman ate a tuna fish sandwich, I wonder if he’d have to wait an hour before
he could go in swimming.
Monday, March 11, 2024
Thought of the Day
Here’s a helpful tip… If you’re looking for a job, and
your first name is “Dwayne,” you might want to avoid applying to anything in
the bathtub industry.
Friday, March 8, 2024
Thought of the Day
I don’t think CBS is
doing well financially these days. I hear things are so bad they just cut 60
Minutes down to half an hour.
Thursday, March 7, 2024
Thought of the Day
I don’t understand why Americans are so enamored with the
Constitution. It was written by the same guys who thought that wearing wooden
teeth was a good idea.
Wednesday, March 6, 2024
Thought of the Day
My friend Karl got charged with distracted driving one
time. But they didn’t catch him texting on his phone. He was busy watching a
girl in a halter top.
Tuesday, March 5, 2024
Thought of the Day
I think it’s okay to put a hat and coat on your
dog. Just be aware that he’s going to get you back for it.
Monday, March 4, 2024
Thought of the Day
I’m
never going to play water polo again. Sure, it was fun and everything. But it
took me forever to get the horses in those little tiny bathing suits.
Monday, February 12, 2024
Thought of the Day
I
have this little chickadee that keeps tapping on my window every morning. So I
finally went to see what all the noise was about. He just wanted to tell me that my bird seed is
crap.
Friday, February 9, 2024
Thought of the Day
I was reading that some guy just discovered Amelia
Earhart’s plane after it disappeared over the Pacific 87 years ago. I’ll have
to give him a call and see if he can help me find my car keys.
Thursday, February 8, 2024
Thought of the Day
I
think the schools are taking things a little too far when it comes to banning
books. I hear one school board in Alabama just banned Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs
and Ham. Apparently they thought the green eggs and ham were getting too
familiar with one another.
Wednesday, February 7, 2024
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