A Very Special Announcement

I want to take a quick moment to remind you that today is March 8^th and one of the most momentous occasions of the year – International Romans Day!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Why should I give a rat’s ass about a bunch of people who wore leaves on their heads and died hundreds of years ago? I’ll tell you why. Just about every major facet of our world was originally created by…wait for it…the Romans!

Don’t believe me? Okay…

Who invented the calendar? The Romans.

Bridges and highways? The Romans.

Mayonnaise? Hangnails? The cast of Hardcastle and McCormick?

Sorry, it wasn’t Stephen J. Cannell. Or even Aaron Spelling.

I’ll give you a hint...

It was the Romans!

So the next time you’re kicking back, enjoying a particularly yummy tuna fish sandwich, don’t say to yourself, “Man, this is a particularly yummy tuna fish sandwich.” 

Cry “Hail, Caesar!”

Thought of the Day

ELO is a Seventies prog rock outfit led by English musician Jeff Lynne. It’s also the perfect thing to say when you pick up the phone.

Is That All There Is? – The Return

Okay. I didn’t get much response to my previous post on Barnes & Barnes. One person said they liked it. Another said they hated it. And Hamish Stuart of Guatemala said he’d prefer a little ELO.  We’ll see what we can do about that...

Is That All There Is? – Part Deux

Well… I had a long talk with my two readers today. (Moesha is expecting – so technically, we’re up to three.) 

We didn’t get around to discussing The Scarecrow Report, come to think of it. But we did agree on a couple of things. Abe Vigoda never really got the recognition he deserved on TV’s Fish. And – for our money, anyway – no one can quite wrap their lips around a tune like Barnes & Barnes. You be the judge...

 

Is That All There Is?

I regret to inform my wide readership (read: two) that The Scarecrow Report will be closed the next little while in order to deal with an overabundance of crickets. I look forward to seeing you on the other side.

In the meantime, please enjoy this look at the latest craze that's sweeping the nation:

 

Thought of the Day

A lot of people get all worked up about the idea of putting pineapple on pizza. I don’t have any issues with that myself. Now, squirrel – that one I’d have a problem with.

Thought of the Day

When I was a kid, I went and ordered a pair of those x-ray specs you used to find in the back of comic books. When the package arrived, and I put the glasses on, I couldn’t see through crap. But the makers did have an uncanny ability to see into my wallet.

Thought of the Day

People warn you to keep quiet because “the walls have ears.” I’m not too worried about that myself. If walls don’t have mouths, who are they going to tell?

Thought of the Day

I think the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is really starting to run out of people to induct. This year they nominated Joe Theismann.

Thought of the Day

If a matchstick factory burns down, is that a tragedy or the sign of a reliable product?

Thought of the Day

A bunch of us were sitting around, discussing how old we were when we first started shaving. Some said 14…15. In my case, I didn’t learn how to shave until everyone at school started calling me “Tarzan."

Thought of the Day

I was in a wedding party one time, and the wedding planner asked me if I wanted a boutonniere. I just told her I’ll have a white wine instead.

Thought of the Day

I saw Amy Schumer in a tampon commercial recently. Does that mean she starred in a period piece?

Thought of the Day

I went to Dairy Queen yesterday. I wasn’t in the mood for a Blizzard or anything. I just wanted to find out what happened to the King.

Thought of the Day

A lot of actors would be better off if they just said “no” once in a while. Take Marlon Brando for instance. I think Brando would’ve had a much longer career if he’d just said “no” to seconds.

Thought of the Day

Sure, Marvel has had a lot of success developing big-time superheroes like The Fantastic Four, The Incredible Hulk and The Amazing Spiderman. But I don’t think they’ve quite figured out the concept of modesty.

Thought of the Day

I’m not saying that the Montreal Canadiens are a bad hockey team this year. I’m just saying that a lot of Canadiens fans are leaving their jerseys out by the road with a sign that says: “Free!”

Thought of the Day

I think it’s amazing how Alexander Graham Bell was able to invent an extraordinary new device like the telephone, and single-handedly change the way people communicate with one another…forever. Particularly when all he was really trying to do was impress the chicks.

Thought of the Day

When people try and tell you off, they always say, “Go fly a kite!” But what if you happen to like flying kites?

Thought of the Day

You might be surprised to hear I’ve got a personal chauffeur. He might not be the friendliest guy in the world. But he always gets me where I want to go. As long as I show him my bus pass.